im in the same boat as you and it really sucks. I was still jus tholding it together because at least I have my boyfriend who will care for me for once instead of me constantly caring for others needs! As his tummy is upset, but theres been more times idk I just think in this lockdown Ill message him say Im not far from where he is and Im like I could drive past wave from my car and hes like no dont do that. Its really hard, but Im trying. Ive held up my end and have been a loving girlfriend but Im not getting much back, but am also afraid of being alone. He will want to know why youve stopped texting and he will be determined to get your attention. I stayed because I felt that I deserved to hear those things, I was being enlightened about what others saw in me but were just too polite to say to me. The one girl has sent him particularly sweet friendly messages on Whatsapp a few times so Im even more jealous than I already was. My fiance, my 12 year old son, and i have been living together a second time(in his house). I guess what im really confused about is, Is he really just being comfortable or is he thinking that i would never leave him ( he knows) so it dosent matter how he treats me or how much effort he puts in? I am an emotional person and I tend to cry. I knew something was wrong. Its like he wants to cause as much damage as he can verbally to win and I dont get it. And, your definition of not making an effort may not match your boyfriends definitionwhich means youre operating from a completely different set of expectations. Im still waiting on unemployed from when I lost my ft job in Sept. My tuition for spring is late. Instead of wishing things were different, practice accepting the fact that you cant change your boyfriend or make him want to spend time with you. Recently, despite being together for 5 years, I feel like a booty call. He even had a heartbreaking confession that he has been going through the years. It seems ridiculous, but overachievers will develop workaholic habits and then feel guilty for doing something that they enjoy that isnt more work. its just do not putting attention at all. Anyway I would talk about these things with him and he would make progress, but then get right back to the same place shortly after. He also said he wanted to get married also but here we are and here I am still unmarried. So I am working on adjusting my expectations so I dont get disappointed. He used to come over to my place so often no matter what day what time. I dont think what Im asking for is difficult to do that it would take months to see any results. ps. As it turns out hes none of these things. BUT both have to put in the work and if its not happening the work then its not happening and we are settling. Ive been doing long distance for nearly 4 years now which hasnt been so good with COVID but honestly thats just an excuse, I think our relationship was still doing bad back then. But I look at him for him. But he feels that I would have a better chance getting a job were he lives then him getting a Job where I live but thats not the point. I then left home and came back a later day. He says I cant accept him for who he is because he had been this way all his life, but I tried to explain that its taking a toll on me. He hasnt showed any affection towards me since that incident and makes me feel he doesnt care to make me feel like Im the only one. Ive been with my boyfriend since July of 2020. She tried to meet my bf but she found out about more crazy stuff and i got into a lot of trouble. MY BOYFRIEND AN I HAVE 2 KIDS TOGETHER AND WE BOTH WORK. Do you feel loved? Things started getting better and then crashed on the rocks. For the past year and a half he stopped being aggressive after a night out of drinking. He doesnt reply to you, so he doesnt deserve to know youre going to find someone else. If you have never met in person then its more than enough reason to break up with him. His complaint is that no matter what he does is never enough and that I dont contribution anything. Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, i love him and I know he loves me back but, my biggest insecurity is him changing and being lazy in the relationship, which I have noticed he has been doing lately. I guess subconsciously I acted that way because hes quite lazy and I didnt want to cut him any slack in fear that he would put in less effort to maintain the long distance. He has joint custody of his 17 yr old daughter and about 2 months ago he found out that her stepdad had been engaging in sexual activity with her. And so on. We lived together in my apartment for about a year & a half. I realized how I stopped wearing some clothes because he didnt like them, for example. His excuse was that he had no time because of work. He doesnt have any plans in those days and still he can not make an effort to spend that day with me, meanwhile I have 2 birthday parties and was ready to ditch them to spend time with him. Its a painful truth. I know it hurts so bad but you need to be strong and move forward, with or without him. Also, the hard thing is, were in the same college course. He Finds Your Attention Diverted. Im so upset. Let an iota of plea reflect. Misery loves company, I guess, because I am so damn happy to know that someone else is suffering the same as me and now I dont feel just so alone. Are you still in your relationship? We had the break up talk several times a day, and at the end of it, it was one of the other begging to stay together because they believed we could fix it. Although weve talked about it many times and although I told him I wanted to go out once a month, he doesnt initiate. Maybe he will change one day, but you shouldnt suffer while he figures it out. Doesnt want to go do nothing but work on projects for the house. I dont know what to do. Everything is done ON PURPOSE to stick a fork in his eye like youre not that important, sorry. Leaving a person you love is one of the hardest things to do. His mom, so sweet and caring, once scolded me because I refused to go on a trip with him. But theres other strange things he does, when we go on dates that require conversation like coffee or dinner, or drives, he doesnt start any conversations. We were really happy and things happended so good. i yearn for good morning texts or check ins throughout the day. Im feeling pained and upset with myself the concessions Ive made and feeling as though theres no room for compromise. I dont think Ill ever want to be in another relationship again. My boyfriend and I started with a lot of stress in our relationship. Maybe he was tired or stressed out, maybe the honeymoon stage was simply over. When i pull back abit, i notice it is when he makes an effort. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you I want him to want to make things better instead of just making decisions that arent beneficial to the relationship or are just downright harmful to the relationship. Maybe if you dont hear from him send him a positive text that you are thinking of him but let him come to you. When I ask him (nearly beg him) to do something so simple such as make the bed, I come home at 3 pm from work when he has the day off and the bed, room, everything including him is a mess! We do not even live together and he puts no effort, and I think throughout the years it would get worse if we get married, or live together. he straight up ignored and didnt read them.) Hes talking about going to a rave and doing drugs and asked me to go.Tbh I just think he wants me to pay for everything. For the first year or two with him, I never had any problems with needing reassurance and words of affirmation from him because he always did it so well. I trust him but I just wish he would give me more time. But the communication thing has really slowed down. I miss him terribly. I want to stress that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG by vocalizing your needs and something you crave in a relationship. If you do his laundry, stop. His answer was, Havent I been patient enough? Whenever I go anywhere its just me and the kids! I assumed I was losing my shit and being too emotional, but its the 70 hr work week and the MBA When you go without sleep for extended periods of time, you start developing symptoms that look similar to depression. I felt confident with my decision to part. Dont know full dets but I know you deserve to be happy. I started skate boarding and going to the skate park. Its been almost 2 yrs with him and I hot him gifts ( handmade thoughtful gift and a tshirt) he hot me nothing for my bday. After I voiced my frustration, he said hes been busy with trying to get a promotion at work and on his free time he spends it with his son. I started breaking down on zoom and crying. I hold my tension in about the pot than lash out on him cuz I know he wont change and stop smoking, but I also dont want to be with someone that doesnt make me feel special or loved. We got in a fight because I said I was upset because he hadnt made time for me in the last week. In fact, because you are so young, they will most likely find you when you least expect it. We used to work on projects together, go for walks, and he barely even grooms now. The last few years have been tough. im still inlove with him up to now but i feel so tired understanding him and ive been unhappy throughtout the relationship. You can adjust your expectations and change your reactions. Living togeter or having sex before marriage is not accepted in my family and i also iddnt want to do that. Days have past he ask to have sex with me I really like him and agreed to have just a fun sex. And then he apologize to me and said he just feel pitty of me. Last week he finally invited me over to his house after not seeing him for almost two weeks when he had his daughter. I have started noticing lots of cracks in our relationship which have eventually led to me feeling unloved, invisible, not a priority and lonely. Because then they they think they can control and manipulate us. Maybe hes too heavy into the party, drugs, and alcohol scene. they say love is sweeter than the second time arounnd, probably to some but not on me l met my boyfriebd wayback in highschool .. Im so gullible that time that I gave him everything I had. I was like OK and we moved on with our usual routine. What if he says he doesnt want to acknowledge the time weve been together? I just feel like that is so little reassurance for what would be 7 years together, that we would have the possibility to then just maybe live together. But even after reminding him of that, nothing happen. Because I love him, i did. He wont think through things for different perspective. Because i often say this to him when i get angry. Now, he doesnt put effort. When were on nights out and theres drink involved, he has a habit of literally disappearing for the whole day (with other people he knows that arent in my circle) and he doesnt contact me, when I try to contact him he usually does answer but after talking to him I never see any sign of him. It sounds to me like hes not into you. Being that were sophomore and junior now, we dont have any classes together. I feel like Ive tried everything to get us back on track so weve just spoken on the phone & hes going to think about things tonight. I feel he could have a gf or just not be that interested. He asked me to come to his section I said no Ill stay w my friends. Im in school full time until July 2023 and though I have a flex pt job at Amazon, the hours and job itself is so crappy. so I do have to take that into account, and when his parents go away for the summer its wayyyy easier to spend more time with him, he becomes so laid back. Leave some of his messages on read. He also said he wouldnt be going into the shop that sold the tea I needed. A relationship without dates lacks romance and passion. It only got better when the pandemic hit and it seemed like we wouldnt see each other very much although we live 10 minutes apart in different towns. My bf has been acting distance from me lately. Need. I tried to explain this to him. I am lonely but at least Im not being rejected because Im not pretty enough or funny or have a lot of friends. I sometimes wonder if my daughter was dating someone like him, if Id tell her to ditch him. But now that he has you he sees he doesnt have to try anymore. I thought that would be an isolated incident but it happened again this weekend. Thank you for what you said because not only do I relate to the emotional and psychological effects, I relate to the not wanting your house to look or smell like a GARBAGE CAN!!!! He tries to make me think Im crazy when I talk him about it. He has told me over and over that I need to stop. Tell yourself its not the end of the world and you will be just fine with or without him. You see, now when you decide to leave him, its not because you dont love him, but its because you love yourself and respect yourself far more than you love him. He gets angry and its caused a lot of fights lately. My friends have been pulling their hair out trying to get him to help them plan my party and he ignores their texts. Another thing that bothers me is he will ask me about my day or some other question, then when I answer, he switches the subject back to himself. Were both in college and when we started dating we were together all the time, we went out together with friends, we watched movies, etc. Be objective: how well do you know your boyfriend? We both have good jobs and have a beautiful life together. One of the issues I have had for almost 2 years is that he does not put effort to see me. June 2019 meet my boyfriend, July 2020 get fire from a 2 year job, November 2020 get fired from 3 month job and currently still unemployed. No texting. So currently on the couch drinking a beer, eating leftovers from a 3 days ago (which is humorous because he could have at LEAST heated that up for me) and then all the sudden the dog jumps up at me. He has issues, related to Pyrones disease. I just badly like him and want to care of him. Maybe he doesnt want to look like a fool. When i say effort drops off, he takes hours to reply to me despite being very active on social media and those replies are one word conversation enders, isnt bothered about spending time with me, tells me he is busy with his family, but I will find out hes actually with his friends, I plan days out in advance but he makes me aware he wont be able to attend because of workbut then when the time comes round to it, he is free but is going out with his friends in advance. im not sure what to do anymore. I have 2 kids and he has 1(im 22 hes turning 23). He doesnt do laundry, dishes, cook or clean. You deserve better and it sounds line hes managing down your expectations. We never do anything spontaneous or fun, and Im the type of person who loves that stuff. It took several conversations where I told him i needed him to be the one to ask me to meet up and reach out more often, as it made me feel loved. After this last incident, something broke inside of me and I said no more. I am struggling with my current relationship, I love him, but I have the thoughts of him being a narcissist, player or using meThanks. Ive always looked for someone else to fill that void for me. I cleaned his puke and poop from damn near halfway up our bathroom walls from when he got e.coli a few weeks ago, but we have a housing inspection on the 28th and my house looks like a storage unit and its filthy! I went through a period of unemployment and he was not emotionally supportive through this period. Then we started to fight about it a lot because I always felt like I wasnt a priority and was only worth his time when he wasnt with friends or he was horny. You can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people. He only tells me he loves me on text hardly to my face until I say it first. I waited though and suffered through almost being forced to move across the country when after he graduated and wanted a new job but couldnt find one- that was the only opportunity he had and was about to force me to uproot MY life, quit school, to go. Any thoughts ppl? Next thing I woke up to a text. On a scale of 1 to 10, would you rate your relationship a 1 (you started dating within the last couple of months and are still in the beginning phases of getting to know each other) or a 10 (youve been dating for 20 years and know each other inside and out)? When a partner is heavily distracted by other commitments, tasks, stress, and anxiety, they may find it too challenging to redirect their attentionand they may even be so wrapped up that your needs don't even register. he may also feel that you do not put enough energy into him. 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