My daughter is constantly wanting my attention and is not happy when im not around. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. please give me some advice. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. help please!!! Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! My baby was very attached to me but now she doesnt love me at all, she only wants my mother, she even calls her mama and she doesnt call me anything, she only wants to be with her , when she is sick or not sick, when she is sleepy etc She cries when my mom goes out and when my mom comes home she gets very happy and runs to her, i have cried every night for the past 2 weeks it hurts me so bad to see her not loving me, on the weekends i go out with her alone trying to spend more time with her, but its doesnt work at all!!!! And when I get her home she ignores me. She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. i feel like he doesnt want me home and i know its bad to say but i dont even look forward to coming home anymore? My boys are my life and i am so grateful that i am their mom! We should all hold our heads up with pride at what AWESOME mothers and fathers we are, how dearly we love our children. Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. She even goes to our maid servent and she is so happy if she sees her. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. She is having a tough time, but please let her know that this really is a normal development stage. When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. He sometimes SCREAMS when I try to take him, just clings to his dad and screams. youre missing out, and so is your baby. I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! Best of luck. hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. She dribbled a lot of it out at first and he said she fussed a little a couple of times, but she does good now. It did break my heart. I found the update posts from those parents who were in this situation and came out the other side especially helpful. A very sleepy baby may accept a bottle without even realizing it, so if your baby's resisting, try slipping in that target near the end of a nap, when she's still half asleep. Dont let this woman take your child. you cant help it. If your wife would show photos with you holding your girls and let the songs play at bedtime, for example, it could be a warm way for them to keep you in mind while you are not around. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. Take days of vacation or maternal leave, ask your mom to bring your daughter to your work for lunch, work from home, let go of as many of your chords as you can or do them together with your daughter, co-sleep with her, talk to her, bathe with her, sing to her. Hi all. i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). Please advice what should I do. He cant even get close to here with a crying. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. she cries alot wen i pick her back from wrk . But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. Pump a few weeks before going back to work to 1. build up a supply and 2. practice bottle feeding. Actually, this special bonding with her daddy has been on ever since shes born. she is three now. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. Im very concerned about you. Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. If anything, it will harm the situation more. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. Please help what could it be if ive been such a great mommy to him super lovable!! I understand so much the pain you are going through. What a tricky situation you are all in! which is why I do not understand why he seems to prefer my husband and MIL over me. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) Its so disheartening and hurtful, but Im glad (how bad is that?!) I love my child more than anything in the world and I hope that she knows it. It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? I am 7 months pregnant again and am terrified that I will cling to this baby in a way to have the bond I dont have with my daughter. Its been in the past few weeks that I have noticed that my almost year old son basically forgets that Im here when my husband or my mother walks in the door. She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. I am a dad in the same boat. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. This just isnt what I envisioned my relationship with my daughter to be, I want her to want me, but dont understand why she doesnt. Some moms return to work just a few weeks after having a baby, while others take up to a year (or longer) of maternity leave. Paula, please give me some advice! I am not defending what the babys mom did. oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Even if its only by God and me I suppose. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. If you try to make a young toddler behave properly (i.e. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. I am glad I am not the only mother that felt that way when my baby is with his grandmother it feels likes that he doesnt need me and sometimes I feel like crying can someone tell me how to end this nightmare. its my first child n i love her lots cos it took long for me to have her . Though it is nice to know Im not the only one to suffer from a similar situation, it doesnt solve it. I think you do have a problem. My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. Please help if you have passed this phase. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. He always trying to get daddys attention instead. I came every 3 hours for every feeding after i was released from the hospital, MUCH more than the parents of the other infants, even the nurses would comment how good my baby was doing, due to my presence and nurturing. Her father works and Im always with her and Its just me. Most likely, your son is going through a phase when he is turning out towards the world. The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. Hi Or is my situation just too unique? Im a stay at home mom so Im with her everyday. 6. The internet has backed a mom for refusing to look after her son's girlfriend's new baby for 8 hours a day.. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. Hello- Im the mother who wrote when my son was 9 mos and again at 12 mos. Going back to work after having a baby is a big career (and life) switch. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. Which is great but I feel useless. Also she is obsessed with my mother and just ignores me or is mean to me. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. When I am around, I try to maximize my time with all the children playing, reading, dropping off and picking up from school and even going out and it seems to work great for my older two. I cant stop crying. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! thanks all for listening to me & i will take every reply seriously. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. Its hard to deal with every time and heart-breaking. Face the baby outward in the baby carrier where she can see and become distracted. except some weekends I have to work away from home (Overnight). Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. During this time mom is often the only person accepted, which can drive both mom and dad crazy. Then, regardless of if she wants to go to dad, grandma or the neighbour later on, you can hopefully rest in the fact that the two of you have had a fun, loving day together. Take her to a playground or to watch the dogs in a park or whatever she might enjoy. I play with, love and nurture my 17 month old boy but he doesnt seem to care about me. Mom of two and creator of Mindful Return, an e-course and blog for moms heading back to work after baby, this woman knows her subject. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. I just know it can be the case no matter what you do. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. I hear a lot of guilt in what you write. When I do leave him he doesnt even notice. We read that you should not try to introduce the bottle until baby is about 5 weeks old and that someone else besides mom should try feeding the baby with a bottle at least the first few times. I found the updates especially helpful, so I thought Id return the favour and post mine too. I am in the same boat. Please help me!! I have a 1yr-old son and he just started this him not wanting me always want the other family member that is around. After a mid year holiday I started a new term and now she seems to pretty much loathe me when I get home and quite frankly it is breaking my heart. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. She would be able to go years without knowing anything about us. I thought my son did this because of his cesarean and my dh being the one to help. Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. I feel like why I didnt die when she was born. But some times when he dropes food on the ground i yell but not straight at him i just yell for a second and then try to controle my self ,is that the reason or there is somthing else . Hopefully Ill be able to post later and say that things are different. The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. She is now my daughters god mother and I consider her a dear friend. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. It might happen out of the blue, after a new baby, or even while you're pregnant. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? And I was the one at home. (if your daughter will allow; a lot of children do, at least some times.). In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? BUT there is arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a child to her mother. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. Its just so strange I dont know what to do!! Very scary! Many babies go through periods when only one of the parents will do it can be either the mom or the dad. I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. Now at 10 months old, she treated me with the same fondness and love that she had showed my husband during her early months. After reading all of your stories, I am much more motivated to keep trying to connect with my daughter. So, maybe this isnt something thats recognized by a small child, but its eventually recognized, in my opinion. Please take care. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. The weird thing is when I pick her up she whines and clings to her dad and when I put her in the car she is fine and talking 10 mins down the road.. is this the transition between both parents? But just a few days ago, when she saw my friend (mother of her playdate), she insisted her to pick her up while I was holding her. Really make sure that you put away all your worried, frustrated feelings when interacting with your daughter. His mother lets him do what he wants when he wants while Im at work, so I have no say so in the fact. To all those beautiful mummies and daddies who have shared their heart with us, you are so not alone, I have had pnd anxiety since my little man was about 2 months old and I used to feel this way so much that it broke my spirit and heart. Thank you very much for the clarifications. His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. In my observation some babies who dont do this have mothers who dont hold them a lot and are less responsive but not always. Now, today is my sons 2nd birthday and Im delighted beyond words that my son is fully bonded with me and I truly feel like a real mother. At 15 months, she lives in the present. i feel so alone and depressed. Sep. 5, 2016. I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. My partner has always spoilt her by carrying her around on his hip what seems like constantly, so when he comes in from work she is happy and smiley and wants him to cuddle her and pick her up and she wont even look my way! Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Let's go for a stroll! I dont think putting your whole life in a more stressful state by moving should be your first choice, in case living with your mom works well in all other aspects. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. And even being so young, she can sense your tension, which might make her slightly stressed, if that is how you feel. But he just doesnt seem to need me. She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. have a 7 month old baby and have been going through the same thing ever since he was born. Try feeding with cool or alternatively warmed milk. I dont work and both me and her dad at home with her. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. If the baby doesn't like this, try again later. This will help you to feel connected with your baby. I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. What is wrong with me? My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. Kiss him and love him non stop. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. Can I give you a challenge? Pennsylvania mom Rebecca Shumard gave birth to daughter Eden at 27 weeks. As you say, youre the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now youre suddenly gone much more. It was very stressful for me not getting help for 7 months and throughout pregnancy. Play games together with both her and her if needed. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! To start, focus on playing and engaging with him in a fun, even nonsensical way. Not to make light of this happening to the dads out there but I think that is more common than the moms as, for the most part, we are the primary caregivers. I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! Welcome to Easy Baby Life your one-stop shop for positive parenting tips and tools from pregnancy and on! I play with him when all I want to do watch TV or take some time to myself. but, really, we'll be alright. we got seperated when she was 17 months. Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. It doesnt work! On the Internet Viral Reddit Baby Family. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. 2.) In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. 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