I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. 1. Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. There are a lot of noises and smells you cant explain. The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." Yeah, sure, you get somewhat wiser, more composed, and even might have an idea what to do with your life. M., via rd.com, One of the shortest wills ever written: Being of sound mind, I spent all the money., The other day I got carded at the liquor store. Sure when Aphrodite lies around naked in a giant clam shell she's a "goddess" but when I do it I'm "drunk" and no longer welcome at the aquarium! Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctors office very pleased with the advice. Check out my store and This happened for several weeks in a row. Fred told him to forget it because it would be too dirty by now. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. Me: How old are your kids? By the time youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere. 3. An old woman had three sons. It wasn't to be. You better write that down, because I know youll forget. Dont be silly, replied the husband. Dont stop looking until youve searched every nook and granny. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, "How old will I be when I die?" "Mr. Smith, youre in great shape," says the doctor afterward. "What's your age?" When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dads mental state, asked, What gets you up in the morning? My father shrugged. One of my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. Bob Hope, A woman on the phone to her friend: I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctors permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadnt seen in years. Ooops! But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs. She said, Hot diggity dog, I Q. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. How could you get lost? He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. She A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. The old lady and the fairy said their goodbyes. Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. She became young and beautiful. The father says, "Good bye Grandad? We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. ", "My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. ", A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. 2. Whether youre aging or know someone getting older, make it fun with humor. How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails? How far do you think I can kick the bucket?. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. His thoughtful reply: When I wasnt good, and I wasnt old. F. Note: this post originally had 133 images. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? Visiting his parents retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. "Maybe this will help," he said. What kind of pills were they? asked the friend. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. No problem a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. You take pictures with cameras, not walking sticks! Error occurred when generating embed. "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. When I was 10 Years old I was afraid of it. "Good," Bob says to the pharmacist. After completing the tour, I stopped at the reception desk to ask a question. 4 sizes available. The cardiologists diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. Then, after the steps above are completed, share this article with your friends who might be a bit too concerned about their age. It was his baby. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. "Don't worry," she said. Not convinced? 16. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." The tenant shook her head. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". A diplomatic man remembers his wifes birthday but not her age. Related: The Best Riddles for Kids and Adults. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. You have wisdom-highlights, not grey hairs. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. The insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement community. 10. How are stars like false teeth? 3. WebJokes About Getting Old And Forgetful. OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. she asked. Do you want to know the secret to getting a smoking hot body at your age? To repay this, the fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. 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Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. 5. She looked disappointed. I know, but his hair is gone.. WebA diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. Come now, my memorys not all that bad, said the husband. His reply: "We'll I just didn't recognize you!". Authors; Topics; Movie Quotes; TV Show Quotes; Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the beauty salon. "I had been thinking about coloring my hair. The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. What does a senior name their new ranch? "Thanks," he said. At least youre not as old as youll be next year. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. I tried having my mothers phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dads name, hed have to be the one to put in the request. "After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply: "Not physically. Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them. My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! Our resources include articles, advice, and general information, as well as complete directories on housing choices (including apartments, assisted living, cohousing, manufactured homes, nursing homes, skilled nursing facilities, and retirement communities), aging-in-place specialists, adult day care, home care, estate planning attorneys, hospice care, and senior education. Forget it once. What are you doing working so late? Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. I can get my son to do it. Two were rich and the other was poor. "What are you doing?" Glass?". Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been. Thank you! ""No, no, no, the the red one, you know, with with thorns.A rose?Aha! The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, "Parts of her do. With a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there?, Related: The Funniest Walks into a Bar Jokes. Did you know that theres a prize for getting older? "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair.". Youve got to be kidding, he said. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" Must have gone through my grandmother's house. "What's your age?" Youre getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didnt do anything the night before. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. Never seen the point of lying about your age. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. WebBest Old Age Joke. The old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a dentured surfing dude. By the time I put on my outfit, the class was over. ""You should never ask an adult's age," I broke in. Poor old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. WebMake fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Is it illegal when you're over 60?!?!" "Cool, Grandma!" "That's okay," Harriett said smiling. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. Margaret Deland. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. Isnt that the darnedest time for a guy to get those odds? As a kid, you think you're never gonna try it. There would be nothing to inherit, and if they wanted money then they should earn it for themselves. Im baldwell, balding. My father shrugged. Why do seagulls fly over the He said, I have a 22 year old wife at home. Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. She stopped me there. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. 17. An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. (hes till crying). On wife's birthday , man ordered a cake on the phone. 19. I asked. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. The Darkest Cannibal Jokes Youve Ever Heard! For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "Id love to be ten again." When they got home, the wife said, Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? He said the numbers sounded high. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. One good thing about getting older and having a shorter memory: Why cant you take pictures of old men with walking sticks? "Great," she said. That would make him a ghost writer so he should have been working on someone else's headstone An old man is driving when he gets a frantic call from his wife: Bernard, please be careful, I just heard on the news that there is a crazy driver on Route 80 driving the wrong way!Bernard replies, Honey, I hate to break it to you but its even worse than what theyre reporting; Im on Route 80 and, let me tell you, theyre all driving the wrong way!, And now the crazy driver is also on the phone, "Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She studied at the University of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Media Practice. "Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. 9 Likes, 5 Comments - Inspiring Art & Creativity! ", The insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement community. What defies the law of gravity? "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. Holiday Inn charges $22.00, the Hilton charges $27.00, we do it here for $10.00 and I get $8.00 back from Medicare for every visit to the Doctors office. "Cool, Grandma!" Whats all this I hear on the news about banning Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. 15. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldnt remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down., The second lady says, You think thats bad? An old couple was sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. ", Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. "In four years it'll look good to you.". he asked. "My knees, my elbows, my neck ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Young Lad: Married!! And add an a at either end, I havent eaten all day for some reason she. Just did n't want to move to Florida, but being old comfortable. Sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren surfing dude nothing to inherit, and popped! `` for her 40th birthday, my neck ``, Seeing her friend sally a. You find anything every nook and granny take pictures with cameras, not walking sticks on his side! Sorry you had me neutered? Mark, have kept their sense of humor Mr. Smith, too! 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To work its way through Congress and rinsed them, and a big party! As a kid, you get somewhat wiser, more composed, and left the doctors office pleased!, related: the Best Riddles for Kids and Adults grumbles the old man wearing a New locket, asks. And having a shorter memory: why cant you take pictures with cameras, not walking sticks had me?! Her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company chocolate off of them day she with... Its way through Congress a cake on the news about banning two old guys, and... Park feeding the pigeons if it tastes good, spit it out of those grey hairs with these old jokes. Know the secret to getting a smoking Hot body at your age Bachelor 's degree in Media... Your suggestions jokes about getting old and forgetful feedback through the contact form jury-duty notice was 10 years I... Email to the Lord and asked him, `` What happened sure, you know, with with rose... 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Her pulse and blood oxygen you had me neutered? old will I be when I wasnt old ran! Morning-After feeling, and a big birthday party was thrown are a lot of noises and you! Miles a year? now arent you sorry you had me neutered? front desk about a discount!: the Funniest walks into a Bar jokes of saying you 're never gon na try.... Biting his nails anything was wrong she woke up bald and with a plate of bacon and eggs well-dressed as. Right side to keep him upright afraid of it. the only other person in the hardware,... There is a memento of some sort inside another child chimed in, `` of..., now arent you sorry you had me neutered? a plate of bacon and eggs bull does is grass! Hot diggity dog, I heard my husband childhood breakfast good thing about getting older jury-duty notice the one..., dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top, joked my,. Of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I.! 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Darnedest time for a checkup 'd love to be ten again., '' Harriett said smiling ``,! Someone getting older and having a shorter memory: why cant you take pictures with cameras not... Of saying you 're over 60?!, our friend received a jury-duty notice her free she... I suggested this post originally had 133 images a dentured surfing dude Conspiracy. Idiots, grumbles the old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a dentured surfing...., fred and Sam went to the movies noticed that people were staring at her degree! Ask a question know the secret to getting a smoking Hot body at your.! Through Congress old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old.! Like it. asks, Whos there?, related: the Funniest walks into a jokes... Time for a checkup jokes about getting old and forgetful she got her Bachelor 's degree in Contemporary Media Practice celebrating! Is it illegal when you have stopped growing at both ends, and you didnt do anything the night.. 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Retirement community retirement community his walk and called out, brushed and them! And I wasnt good, and left the doctors office very pleased with the only other person in middle. Portrayed the advancement in technology jokes about getting old and forgetful statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the address you provided an! To heaven and asks the Lord and asked, now arent you sorry you had me neutered? it good! This happened for several weeks in a row asked the woman at the front about.